Monday, October 4, 2010

I'm imperfect and I'll admit it.

I like to be inspired. Today my inspiration comes from a post on someone else's blog. I want to share it with you because I think it's inspiring and thought provoking, and it's not often that many of us use the internet for something that isn't mind-numbing. Unfortunately, my favorite thing to do on the internet IS mind numbing, and it's called Facebook. Ah, yes, good ol' Facebook, providing me with endless hours of "entertainment" all week long. I often feel compelled to delete the damn thing, but I can never bring myself to actually do it. The funny thing is, I found this particular inspiring blog post because someone shared it on the World's pathetic (yet interesting and, okay fine, fun) pastime.
The blog is about a "disease called Perfection." I won't sum it up for you because I really believe it's worth your time to read it for yourself. However, a part of it inspired me to be honest about my weaknesses. So here I go, being truthful and vulnerable for your reading pleasure.
I'm scared. I'm apprehensive. I'm insecure.
I'm know my upcoming move will not be easy, and I seriously have doubts about my linguistic skills. I'm insecure about speaking Norwegian, but I'm trying hard to work past my inhibitions and pretend that I'm confident. I'm not. In fact, I'm scared (please excuse this) shitless.
I'm afraid to leave my family and friends. I'm afraid I'll miss out. I'm afraid I won't be accepted. See, I've found my niche here. I know who I am, I know where I belong, and I know how to get around. I also know I won't feel so confident in my new corner of the world. At least not right away.
I am person that tries to remain optimistic, but right here, right now, reading the truthful words I just articulated, the glass definitely seems half empty.
But you know what? I'm proud of myself for saying it all out loud. These are real emotions and real concerns that have been bubbling up inside me since the moment I considered the possibility of a serious, loving relationship with Stian.

Every coin has two sides, and for awhile today, it landed on tails.
But here's to heads, and to keeping my chin up.

I have to remind myself often (as we all should) that I am human. I have feelings, I have emotions, I have strengths and I certainly have weaknesses. In college, I taught myself that I can use my weaknesses to build my strengths. When I'm feeling down, I find it encouraging to remember things that are important to me. One of those things is love. I know that I am loved and I know that I always will be. This isn't necessarily romantic love, but I know my sources of love come from my mother, my father, my sister, and my brothers. It comes from Stian. It comes from my grandmother. It comes from my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It comes from my friends. And all this love helps me get through whatever I need to get through, whenever I need to get through it, and perhaps most importantly, wherever I have to get through it - near or far.

There is a book by the famous Dr. Seuss called My Many Colored Days. Most of you reading this know that I love children's books partly because I am a teacher of very young children, but I also love them because the messages are simple, important, usually feel-good themed. I like this particular book because I think it addresses something that isn't always addressed in the adult world: feelings. Honest to goodness feelings and, more importantly, acceptance of those feelings day to day and hour to hour. Similarly, the message I took from the blog that I told you very little about, is to accept how I feel. Today, I accepted my feelings of apprehensiveness and insecurity because I just am not, cannot, and will never be perfect. And that's okay, because in the words of my favorite children's book writer, I should be who I am and say just how I feel because "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."  Dr. Seuss, you hero.

Getting all my anxieties out feels good. In fact, I believe it's a remedy. Reflecting on my feelings has made me flip my coin over, and I am once again giddy with excitement and wonderment and a sense of humor about my trail I'm blazing every day.

Here's the link to the blog:
Read it, maybe you'll feel inspired, moved, or understood.